Lose Your Identity To Find Your Self

8 October 2001, 12:09am IST
TARU BAHL.

We feel we are finally at peace when we discover that we identify with another, that we share the same wavelength and the same thought processes. it makes us look forward to subsequent meetings. it lays the foundation for the cementing of a more meaningful relationship, one which is special, blessed and meant to be. it stands apart from the others which clutter our lives. complete identification is therefore perceived as the perfect genesis for a harmonious, blissful and stable existence. it is this quest for identification which makes us gravitate towards like-minded people. people who have similar interests, who perhaps read the same kind of books, enjoy watching the same kind of movies, have the same political beliefs and the same value systems. on finding our wavelength miraculously matching with the person we so identify with, and creating in its wake situations and bondings which are not disruptive, conflicting and stressful we psyche ourselves into believing that such perfection and a mating of minds is possible only because of divine intervention. if, for only a moment, we step out of this self-imposed secure bubble, we will see that identification is actually limiting. it acts as a stumbling block in our spiritual, emotional and intellectual growth. why do we seek identification? does it make us feel more secure and loved? does it help us in creating that elusive stillness of mind which we consciously or subconsciously seek all the time? or is it because we do not want to hear a different opinion and point of view? having people echo our own sentiments, views and thoughts makes us feel strong, secure and important. j krishnamurti explains that when we religiously and politically identify ourselves with a particular group, party or leader we are doing this because of tradition or habit, through impulse, prejudice, imitation and laziness. he says with certainty and a finality that this kind of identification puts an end to all creative understanding. one just becomes a mere tool in the hands of the party boss, priest or favoured leader. similarly in love and in relationships when we identify with another we need to ask ourselves if we are truly in love with the person we are professing undying love for. according to krishnamurti, identification is nothing but possession. the assertion of ownership denies love. owning does not lead to emotional or psychological security. in identification there is resistance, whether gross or subtle. love, the kind which thrives on this kind of ‘identification’ is then a form of self-protective resistance. true love is vulnerable, pliable and receptive. it is the highest form of sensitivity and identification makes for insensitivity. identification and love do not go together for the one destroys the other. identification is essentially a thought process by which the mind safeguards and expands itself and in becoming something it must resist and defend, it must own and discard. in this process of becoming, the mind or the self grows together and more capable; but this is not love. identification destroys freedom and only in freedom can there be the highest form of sensitivity. experimentation and identification do not go together. it is only a free and unfettered mind which can experiment, explore, inquire and search. the act of identification does not allow you to do any of this. if at all, it puts an end to inquiry and to discovery. the happiness that truth brings cannot be if there is no experimentation in self-discovery. identification in a loose sort of a way is nothing but laziness. it makes the mind, body and spirit sluggish. to experience and experiment, all identification must cease. there must be no fear. we must realise that at the bottom of all our actions there is fear of rejection, fear of being unloved, uncared, unaccepted that propels us to desperately seek identification in that perfect soul-mate who can be the answer to all our insecurities, anxieties and unhappiness. truth or happiness cannot come without undertaking the journey into the ways of the self. you cannot travel far if you are anchored. identification is a refuge. a refuge needs protection and that which is protected is soon destroyed. identification brings destruction upon itself and hence the constant conflict between various identifications. the more we struggle for or against identification, greater is the resistance to understanding. he who has identified himself can never know freedom, in which alone all truth comes into being. and truth will bring freedom and happiness.