Aug 13, 2002, 12.00am IST
ANAND VARDHAN KANORIA.
When we meet people, how do we decide whether we want to associate with them in future? What kind of relationship do we want to have with them? How do we decide whether we like or dislike their character? The answer comes naturally. A first impression based on our instinct.
Dogs, it is well known, are masters of this art, but we are not. How then, I wonder, do we base the most important decisions in our life on a tentative process. It is possible that our instinct is accurate. Yet, I am sceptical of its reliability. Instinct leads to an assumption of certain personality traits in the other. Premature judgments blend into biases, which reinforce our initial appraisal.
Premature judgment is therefore an error. Through this logical analysis of the mind’s processes, I have established that instinct is irrational. What we need to develop is a dependable intuition, which unlike instinct is based on knowledge, experience and logic.
The solution probably lies in the development of an objective, personalised scale for the measurement of character. Personalised in the preceding sentence unfortunately reduces the scale’s applicability to oneself only; but with ‘objective’ being the encouragement, I shall continue.
The three broad windows into character are actions, words and, most significantly, thoughts. Our actions reflect our personality. We often tailor our behaviour to the exigencies of situations. We also try to fashion images and impressions of and for ourselves. This results in an inaccurate perception. Handshakes and ‘walks’ are examples of frequently customised actions. They are, consequently, useless as mirrors of personality. Clothes, hand movements, postures and eye direction are, I feel, candid indicators. What we make of our observations depends on what we are looking for — strength of eye contact, attire or posture.
Moving on to the second criterion. Here, I find myself in a quandary: a judgment on words depends on the topic selected and how it is introduced. To solve the problem, I never introduce the topic. How we introduce the topic and our personal likes and dislikes, reflects on our perception of ourselves. The selection of a dreary, damper like the weather spells indistinctiveness and lack of imagination. The highest scoring topic is one related to the reason for the conversation itself.
I realise the reader’s anxiety to move on to thought, the third category, since the word comes with so much meaning attached. To gauge thought is an art. It is the essence of this judgment scale of character. There are certain prerequisites for an accurate interpretation of thought.
We must learn, first, to ‘feel’ our thoughts rather than ‘think’ them. Think- ing our thoughts makes us actually construct them con- sciously. Feeling gives our thoughts a naturalness and spontaneity. In es-sence, we must let our mind flood with thoughts from without; not construct them within.
Second, we must learn to empathise. Understanding and compassion stand for objective judgment. A feeling encompasses all the emotions generated at that time. Words can mislead but it seems that feelings never quite fail. That is why identifying a feeling is essential. I am not declaring thoughts to be objective. Thoughts are subjective but can be interpreted objectively, and this is possible through the mastery of these two directives.
While applying this technique, I found myself with a residual hope. To meet the perfect person, is and shall always remain due. The person I hope to meet, is someone who is not ‘mentally immune’ to a stranger’s feeling — his pain, agony and loss. It is easy for us to care only for people we are close to — our loved and known ones. Our heart has yet to look beyond. Sad.
SACRED SPACE
Knowing the Unknown
Emptiness is not a theory, but a ladder that reaches out into the infinite. A ladder is not there to be discussed, but to be climbed... It is a practical concept, and it embodies an aspiration, not a view. Its only use is to help us to get rid of this world and of the ignorance which binds us to it. It has not only one meaning, but several, which can unfold themselves on the successive stages of the actual process of transcending the world through wisdom. Not everyone, of course, is meant to understand what emptiness means. In that case it is better to pass on to something else.
Edward Conze
No vision can grasp Him, but His grasp is over all vision; He is above all comprehension, yet is acquainted with all things.
Qur’an
He truly knows Brahman who knows him as beyond know- ledge; he who thinks that he knows, knows not. The ignorant think that Brahman is known, but the wise know him to be beyond knowledge.
Kena Upanishad
The formless is attributed and unattributed, and gone into absorption in the cosmic void. Himself has He made creation; Himself on it meditates.
In the cosmic void is He absorbed, where plays the unstruck mystic music — beyond expression in this miraculous wonder.
Gauri Sukhmani
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