Nov 14, 2009, 12.00am IST
CHRISTOPHER MENDONCA.
Over time, we have been changing significantly, the way we perceive ourselves. Today, the key word in relationships is 'sensitivity'.
Most changes taking place in society are the result of this new awareness of the need to be sensitive, to be mindful of the need to respect others and their freedom; and to be tolerant in matters of faith. We are becoming conscious of our environmental responsibilities, of the need to make less noise and to take care not to encroach on another's property or ownership rights. Our survival depends on our sensitivity to people, other beings, and the environment.
When it comes to interpersonal relationships, however, we might end up compromising a relationship by being more sensitive than is necessary. Think of the times we make it a point to mind other people's business so that we can be more aware of their problems without actually helping them. We offer sympathy to those in grief, often refusing to acknowledge that unless we come to terms with our own pain we are unable to genuinely grieve with others. We often fight battles for human rights and social justice while all the time we fail to recognise the subtle undercurrent of our own selfishness and greed. We tend to project our own inadequacies on to others.
In trying to be sensitive to others' needs, we might undermine their ability to cope with their own problems. We become annoyed because they do not understand that 'we're only trying to help'. We smother others with excessive care disregarding their uniqueness altogether and possibly their need for private space, so they can come to terms with their problem or grief. We are blissfully unaware of the fact that all the time we have only been trying to meet our own needs even as we think we are being oh-so-helpful.
Sensitivity in its purest form fosters a sense of community and connectedness. When it does not achieve this, it is a sure indication that our sensitivity has degenerated into inquisitiveness. We are concerned about the other, but are we unwittingly trying to extract something in return? When machinations and manipulations become our second nature, there is a blurring of lines: Are we being sensitive or insensitive? Language is not bad, but the way we use it may mean that a lot is lost when we start talking. We waste our words when we reinforce our reputation; when we use them to divide rather than unite, to wound rather than heal, to pull down rather than build.
True sensitivity is better expressed in silence than in words. Even when we use words of comfort, they would be effective only if they are rooted in silence. A spiritual approach can help here. When our words stem from the depth of inner silence, their eloquence is soothing; it heals. We can experience a communion, a oneness of being that binds us together for no other reason than that we are in each other and both of us are in God.
The mind is subtle; it is the progenitor of language. The Desert Fathers defined prayer, another term for communion with God, as ''the descent from the mind into the heart'', the centre of one's being, where you can experience God. In a sensitivity thus born out of inner silence, we could experience divine communion and communion with one another.
The writer teaches Christian meditation.
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