Dec 3, 2003, 12.51am IST
All of us need to believe that we are loved and are lovable. We begin life secure in our mother’s love, swaddled in our innocence. Love was never in question, but over time, we become increasingly unsure...
In The Path to Love, Deepak Chopra says that by bringing spirituality back into our relationships, we can discover a world of depth and meaning. He says: “You were created to be completely loved and to be completely lovable for your whole life”.
The problems begin when we start taking love for granted and get possessive about life. We deny freedom and space to the people we love — our children, spouse, friend. Unknowingly, we start killing our love. And we create bondage for ourselves, too, when we curb the freedom of the person we love.
Osho says: “Freedom is a higher value than love”. Love stifles and gets stifled when it encroaches upon the space of another. Love blossoms in the space of freedom, in breeziness. Once we realise the nature of true love, we no longer ‘fall’ in love — we actually ‘rise’ in love.
At this point love becomes unconditional. We give our love and feel grateful to all those who receive it, because this way we unburden ourselves.
Osho says when the clouds are full of rain water, they have to shower. It is their need. Similarly, when we become full of love it is our need to give our love to one and all. Then we are not concerned whether or not we receive love in return. We simply enjoy giving.
Conditional love is attachment; it is bondage, so it is also an illusion. We say we want to be free but are we brave enough to be alone? We fear loneliness. We fear being unoccupied. We started out looking for love, but maybe we were really looking for attachment. Our need may have been attachment all along. Love was the way to attain it, the bait.
Unconditional love will not become attachment. But the moment you say to your partner, “Love only me”, you begin to possess her. And in possessing, you’re making your lover into an object to be used.
Immanuel Kant said that to treat another person as a means is an immoral act. In other words, if you see your lover as being there for your gratification, or to fulfil your sexual desires, or to provide something else for you... you’re reducing your partner to an object.
You are in bondage — so inevitably, you’ll eventually desire freedom. You will be bored by what you have and yearn for what you don’t have. Or you could try to be free even while ‘possessing’ your partner, causing a struggle.
Osho says, “I want to be a free person, and yet I want you to be possessed by me; you want to retain your freedom and still possess me — this is the struggle... We must remain indivi- duals and we must move as independent, free consciousness. We can come together, we can merge into each other, but no one possesses. Then there is no bondage and then there is no attachment”.
Love becomes a blessing, a real celebration when love breathes fresh air free from possessiveness and jealousy. There should be no judgment, no blame, no expectations and no attempts to control.
The soul can grow only in freedom — and unconditional love provides freedom. Osho says: My message is beyond biology and theo-logy... Love is nothing but sharing of your consciousness with as many people as possible; not only with people, but with animals, trees, birds, clouds, stars.
Swami Chaitanya Keerthi
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