Jan 11, 2010, 12.04pm IST
Janina Gomes.
None of us can escape an encounter with hostility at some stage in our lives. Hostility mars relationships. It makes bitter our experiences with acquaintances. In the more intimate relationships, hostility can negatively impact our day-to-day interactions. And yet, like conflict, it is something that seems to be written into our DNA and the history of the world.
Veiled hostility can be worse than outright conflict. Our inability to accept divergence and diversity and be open to change can lead to conflict. The pressure we feel when we are challenged by circumstances and limited by outside happenings and events can however, be salutary for our spiritual growth and act as catalyst to bring out the best in us as well as help us face challenges and overcome them.
Conflict becomes unproductive when it gives rise to more animosity and hatred. But when two or more parties to the conflict are able to sit together to discuss and negotiate a settlement and smoothen the rough edges to the relationship, it can become a way of ensuring greater transparency and mutual trust. This will help to overcome hurdles and build positive relationships.
Hostility is not only in the realm of concepts. It can percolate to feelings and colour our reactions to outside events. It is a territory of mutual suspicion and mistrust. Yet, it is possible to take a more enlightened view of hostility and conflict. Provided we are not sucked into it, starting us on a memory chain of bitterness and bad feelings, we can use it to promote peace and tranquility.
We grow in the communities we are born in, inheriting many preconceived ideas, beliefs and social systems. These give us a social identity and we become part of these living communities. They are ways of finding fulfillment that go beyond the purely personal.
However, in communities, there are also barriers to social interaction with others because of walls of exclusion. The belongingness that we feel in a community is sometimes the very reason why we cannot interact with freedom in dealing with others outside of it.
We experience a sense of alienation from the rest, enveloped in a cocoon of protection in a community. We may have to go beyond to create a more universal environment.
When we exclude others, question their integrity and practice exclusion, we are going against the laws of nature that promote mutual exchange, intimacy and love. Trust, harmony and love make living a blessing for all.
Hostility has a lot to do with fear. It would be unwise to be unwary and let down all defenses, but there are plenty of opportunities to build harmony and trust without compromising our safety.
The biggest challenge of our times is the upsurge of vindictive and violent groups that create social and personal tensions that can destroy lives. Another challenge is the inclination among some to settle scores in personal vendettas.
Peace is not the absence of conflict. It is the growth of the spirit within. In the realm of the spirit we use each experience, whatever its nature, to grow. We learn to overcome fear, hatred and discord that create negative feelings and outcomes. We learn to build a world of love.
As members of one family, we need to overcome hostility together. We will find that in the end, it is the life force within us that overcomes what destroys and divides. If we plant just one seed of love and kindness every day, at the end of our lives we will have created a landscape of unspeakable beauty.
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